Restless Soul

i spoke with the cosmos today. they know how i feel.

i felt kind of bad because i threatened. i told them they  know how i am. they know how i feel, so why would they fuck with me so bad? it bothers me so much. why would they do that? no, i don’t even understand why i feel that way. i dont know why. why do i feel that way about him. i dont understand. why would he do that to me? someone says that he could just not want it to be awkward between us. he doesnt want romance, but why would the cosmos do something so strong to me if i was about to be let down? i was over it. i was about to move on and be happy and find someone new and then this happens. i need your help. anyone who is out there. i don’t know if anyone has felt like this before, but i need answers. maybe tonight in my dreams ill find them. help me find the answers. help me to connect the dots. i dont want to believe that’s how it is, that he is just doing this to prevent awkwardness, but what else could be the reason? what else could bee the reason? i dont know. i don’t know if i’ll ever know…